A Queer Gaze on the Virgin Mary: Shattering the Violent "Virgin/Whore" Binary

By Mau Kwok Lam

The starting point of this article is a disturbing true story.

In his research, theologian Teguh Wijaya Mulya recorded the memory of an 18-year-old Indonesian youth named Ayub:

"I was very naughty in the seventh grade. There was a girl in my class, like a... 'cheap girl'. One day, the other boys and I played a prank on her. When there was no teacher in the classroom, we turned off the lights, rushed towards her, and grabbed her 'things' \[referring to the sexual parts of her body\]."

Ayub's narrative starkly reveals a form of violence deeply rooted in our culture and religion—a violence stemming from the "virgin/whore" binary opposition. This framework simplistically divides women into two categories: either they are "good girls"—pure, submissive, and worthy of protection; or they are "bad girls" like the "cheap girl" in Ayub's words, seen as morally corrupt and available for arbitrary violation. This classification allows sexual violence against the latter to be downplayed as a "prank" and even "rationalized."

When we discuss this issue, we rarely connect it with the most revered woman in Christianity—the Virgin Mary. She is the perfect virgin, the chaste mother, the model of obedience.

However, what do we see when we put on queer glasses and re-examine this figure, shrouded in millennia of halos?

Mary's Autonomy: A Woman Who Belongs to No Man

Traditionally, Mary's "virginity" is understood as a physiological state of having no sexual experience. But Mulya cites older etymological meanings, pointing out that the original meaning of the word "virgin" is not the same as the "sexual purity" traditionally claimed.

• The Hebrew word ‘almȃ refers to a young, unmarried woman, with the

emphasis on her age and marital status, not necessarily her sexual purity.

• The Latin virgo and the Greek parthenos have a fundamental meaning

closer to "a woman who does not belong to any man."

Therefore, the original concept of a "virgin" is more about "sexual independence" than "sexual abstinence." Mary as a parthenos is, first and foremost, an independent and autonomous individual not subordinate to any man, rather than just a girl with no sexual experience. This forgotten meaning fundamentally shakes the foundation of "purity" on which the "virgin/whore" binary relies.

From this perspective, the focus of Mary's identity is not on her sexual purity, but on her autonomy. In a patriarchal society where women were considered the property of men, a woman who "does not belong to a man" is in itself a radical declaration. Her choice bypasses the secular system of marriage and directly engages with God. This is a formidable, sacred autonomy that belongs to her alone.

The Annunciation: A Divine Encounter, or a Non-Consensual Intrusion?

Within this framework, the most subversive question points to the core scene of the "Annunciation."

The angel Gabriel says to Mary, "You will conceive and give birth to a son." He does not ask for her consent but directly announces a fact that is about to happen to her. When Mary asks in confusion, "How can this be, since I am a virgin?" the angel replies that the Holy Spirit will "come upon" (epeleusetai) you, and the power of the Most High will "overshadow" (episkiasei) you.

Mulya points out that these two verbs, in other biblical texts, often carry connotations of "suddenly descending," "coming upon," or "covering," and are even used to describe disasters or attacks. This dialogue is less like a gentle invitation and more like a declaration in a power-imbalanced situation. Feminist scholar Lois Pineau once used a metaphor to describe what "true consent" is: it should be an equal "dialogue," not a "proposal from the Mafia"—in which you have no right to say "no."

Could Mary's final response, "Let it be with me according to your word," be not out of complete joy and submission, but the only and most courageous survival strategy of a weak woman in the face of overwhelming divine power?

This is not a casual speculation. The Incarnation is the Word of God entering the world in a way that transcends human ethics. Jesus was not born of the union of a man and a woman. From the perspective of social norms, Mary's unmarried pregnancy was destined to label her as "unchaste." For this reason, the Gospel of Matthew records that her righteous fiancé Joseph had thought of divorcing her.

It can be said that Mary's suffering is the first manifestation of the "tension between God and the world." The social pressure and humiliation she endured stemmed from the conflict between divine intervention and human ethical norms. This "divine violence" made her a social outcast, a marginalized person. From this perspective, Mary's experience may place her on the same side as countless women throughout history who have experienced sexual violence. Her holiness lies not in her perfection, but in her bearing of this fate she could not choose, and in living out the most profound resilience and trust of humanity within it.

She is no longer just a static idol enshrined on an altar, but a complex woman of flesh and blood, full of struggle and courage. Her story is no longer just a warm picture on a Christmas card, but a queer allegory that challenges all our stereotypes about power, sex, and the sacred.

Bibliography

Mulya, T. Wijaya. 2018. "Queering the Virgin/Whore Binary: The Virgin Mary, the Whore of Babylon, and Sexual Violence." In Rape Culture, Gender Violence, and Religion, edited by Caroline Blyth, Emily Colgan, and Katie B. Edwards, 51-65. Switzerland: Palgrave Macmillan.